Canning Under the Influence

For the sake of getting to know one another, let's get something out in the open: I smoke a bit of weed. 

I know, I'm just as shocked as you are.

Now that we have that piece of information out of the way, let's talk about cooking. I love cooking. I also love writing. I love cooking with cannabis. I love cooking while smoking cannabis(imagine the creativity that stems from a desperate case of the munchies), and I love writing about cooking with cannabis while also smoking said cannabis. Sometimes my creations are masterpieces from the get-go, and other times they become complete and utter clusterfucks. I'm working on it.

This week's project started as a well thought out plan for canning some simple sliced peaches. HA. If you're unfamiliar with blanching soft fruits, skip that step and go straight to pulverizing the fruit with your bare hands while cursing whatever deity you believe in, because that's where you'll end up anyway. 

Peach splattered walls be damned, I was going to make SOMETHING out of the pile of peaches falling off of our tree willy-nilly. And as the saying goes: when life gives you hot, man-handled, sticky fruit bits, you make jam. Or something like that. 

Being the green gal that I am, and needing to show those damn peaches that I always win(oh hey, Monica!), I went from canning jam to Canni-Jam.

Spiced Peach Canni-Jam

3 lbs diced, peeled peaches

2 tbsp canni-butter

1/4 oz ground cannabis(or more)

4 cups sugar

1/2 cup brown sugar

2 tbsp fresh lemon juice

2 tsp vanilla extract

1 tsp ground cinnamon

1/4 tsp ground nutmeg

1 packet liquid pectin

(6) 8oz jelly jars, sterilized and hot

(1)Cheesecloth

First, peel and dice your peaches. If you decide to blanch your peaches in boiling water, feel free to skip the dicing and go straight to putting the mush in a large saucepan on the stove. Add all ingredients except for cannabis to the saucepan, and mash together with a potato masher. Go ahead and substitute any blunt object for the potato masher while taking out your pent up aggression on the peaches that by now have entirely pissed you off. Turn the stove on to medium-low heat.

Cocaine addiction meets cinnamon challenge

Mash them until you feel better and they look battered.

Using a section of cheesecloth, fold a square large enough for your chosen amount of cannabis. Place the cannabis in the cheesecloth and roll it up, finishing by tying it in a knot or securing it with string. It should look like a fucked up little teabag full of wonder. You may now teabag the jam. Simmer the jam over medium low heat for at least one hour, stirring frequently to prevent burning.

Tea-bagging is underrated

Go Green

Once your jam has simmered for an hour, increase the heat to medium-high(much like me, after waiting for this shit for an hour). Bring the mixture to a boil and continue cooking until it thickens. To test the consistency place a small amount on a plate and place it in the freezer for several minutes. The jam should not run down the plate once it has been cooled.

It tastes better than it looks. I think.

After you've gotten your jam to the right consistency, begin pouring it into the hot jars, leaving 1/2 inch head space. Wipe the lips of the jars clean and place lids and rings. Process in a boiling water canner for about 8 minutes. Wait 24 hours and check the seals on your jars. 

All a part of your balanced breakfast.

You may now wake-and-bake like a responsible, classy adult by enjoying your fresh jam on a crisp, gluten-free English muffin, while looking down your nose at those who are still taking bong hits at noon in their mother's basement.

Bon Appetit.