Bacon, Boobs & Bud
There's a saying that goes: if you give a bunch of stoners some pot, and nothing to smoke it out of, you'll end up with a room full of engineers.
Well, if you give a stoner the munchies and a half-full pantry(what can I say, I'm an optimist) to cook with, you'll end up with agourmet chef straight out of an episode of Chopped. Or perhaps you'll end up with a stomach ache. We'll see.
My general rule in the kitchen is this: fuck rules. Who needs boundaries on their glorious creative buzz? Not me. This recipe was certainly a work-it-out-as-I-go scenario, and I encourage you to do the same. Don't have chicken? Use steak! Don't have Ritz crackers? You're crazy, but go ahead and use some lesser form of salty, crunchy snack. I won't judge...too much. The point is to think outside your sober mind telling you that kale is a Superfood and animal fats are bad. We don't need that kind of buzzkill in our lives right now.
In my stoner-zone I decided to cook with everyone's three favorite ingredients: Boobs, Bacon, and Bud. Can't go wrong, right? Let's get into the dirty work.
Chicken Bacon Macaroni Bake
1 pound chicken breast(diced in 1 inch cubes. Or not. Size doesn't matter)
1/2 cup chopped cooked bacon or bacon bits
1 pkg pasta(your choice, fuck those rules)
1 pile of shredded cheese(go with what you feel)
1 onion, diced
2 tbsp infused olive oil
3 tbsp canni-butter
Minced Garlic
Milk
pepper
paprika
Flour
Ritz Crackers(or something less awesome)
Preheat oven to 375
Start with your cannabis infused olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat. If you prefer, you can use infused coconut oil, vegetable oil, or more butter. There's no rules in this safe space. (I will write a separate post on infusing ingredients for cooking). Once your chosen oil is hot, add your diced onion, wipe your tears, and let them cook until they are translucent. Add any amount of garlic to your onion, because you're a grown ass adult that can make these kind of big decisions, and give it a quick stir. At this point you are ready to cook the boobs. I used Cajun marinated chicken breast from my work, because I get to take home the ugly ones. To me, all boobs are beautiful, so rock whatever you have!
Once the chicken is fully cooked, add the canni-butter and watch it melt with hungry admiration. Follow with a sprinkle of flour, just enough to soak up the butter and become thick. At this point, the boobs are ready for some milk. Most of the time recipes like this call for heavy cream. Ain't nobody got time to just run to the store for special milk. Use anything you have. 2%? Right on. Skim? You bet. Half and Half left over from your morning coffee? Sure thing! The last can of evaporated milk from your Thanksgiving pies? Works great! What do we say about rules in the kitchen? Fuck 'em. The amount of milk is somewhat flexible as well. I made a large casserole dish and the whole pack of pasta, so my sauce took about 3-4 cups of milk. Feel free to adjust your bits and pieces. For the recipe, I mean.
Our next step is also great life advice: let it simmer, and only stir the pot when you have to. You can thank me later. Use this philosophical opportunity to take a couple tokes.
When your sauce is as deliciously thick as my thighs(be patient, mine took 26 years to get there), go ahead and add your seasonings and cheese. For me, the more cheese, the better, but feel free to make it healthier and less tasty. I'm sure you're a lot of fun at parties. Taste your creation and adjust your spices to taste.
While your sauce continues to boil and steam like an angsty teenager, set it straight with a wooden spoon. A few swats, er, stirs should do it. Then begin cooking your pasta. Any pasta will do. I used Rotini because they are cute and fun. And perhaps the only thing noodle-like in my pantry. Use the hand you were dealt.
After you have cooked and drained your pasta according to package directions, return them to the pot and stir your cheesy sauce into the noodles. Pour the mixture into a large casserole dish and spread it to fill the bottom of the dish. To finish off, you will create the crunchy topping. Start by crushing a few handfuls of Ritz Crackers on top of the pasta. It helps to envision the crackers as the souls of our current administration to really get the proper strength behind you. Next, you will bury thesouls crackers with some more shredded cheese. Don't be shy. Top off this beauty with a sprinkle of sinfully tasty bacon and pop it into the oven for about 10-15 minutes or until it becomes that delicious shade of golden brown that every woman needs in her life(here's looking at you Jackson Avery). Now you can enjoy your hot slice knowing you followed at least one rule today: when it comes to boobs, bacon, and bud, you just gotta put 'em in your mouth. Ya know, or something like that.
When you've licked the plate clean and a strong case of the munchies has you morphing into a world-class chef, be sure to check back for my next post. Coming up: White chocolate raspberry truffle cookies.
Stay Green XO,
Morgan
Well, if you give a stoner the munchies and a half-full pantry(what can I say, I'm an optimist) to cook with, you'll end up with a
My general rule in the kitchen is this: fuck rules. Who needs boundaries on their glorious creative buzz? Not me. This recipe was certainly a work-it-out-as-I-go scenario, and I encourage you to do the same. Don't have chicken? Use steak! Don't have Ritz crackers? You're crazy, but go ahead and use some lesser form of salty, crunchy snack. I won't judge...too much. The point is to think outside your sober mind telling you that kale is a Superfood and animal fats are bad. We don't need that kind of buzzkill in our lives right now.
In my stoner-zone I decided to cook with everyone's three favorite ingredients: Boobs, Bacon, and Bud. Can't go wrong, right? Let's get into the dirty work.
Chicken Bacon Macaroni Bake
1 pound chicken breast(diced in 1 inch cubes. Or not. Size doesn't matter)
1/2 cup chopped cooked bacon or bacon bits
1 pkg pasta(your choice, fuck those rules)
1 pile of shredded cheese(go with what you feel)
1 onion, diced
2 tbsp infused olive oil
3 tbsp canni-butter
Minced Garlic
Milk
pepper
paprika
Flour
Ritz Crackers(or something less awesome)
Preheat oven to 375
Start with your cannabis infused olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat. If you prefer, you can use infused coconut oil, vegetable oil, or more butter. There's no rules in this safe space. (I will write a separate post on infusing ingredients for cooking). Once your chosen oil is hot, add your diced onion, wipe your tears, and let them cook until they are translucent. Add any amount of garlic to your onion, because you're a grown ass adult that can make these kind of big decisions, and give it a quick stir. At this point you are ready to cook the boobs. I used Cajun marinated chicken breast from my work, because I get to take home the ugly ones. To me, all boobs are beautiful, so rock whatever you have!
 | |
| Don't cry into them. It's unsanitary. And you're probably not a cute crier. |
 |
| When you're a little stoned, telling a chicken breast "I'll cut you" is entirely appropriate. |
Once the chicken is fully cooked, add the canni-butter and watch it melt with hungry admiration. Follow with a sprinkle of flour, just enough to soak up the butter and become thick. At this point, the boobs are ready for some milk. Most of the time recipes like this call for heavy cream. Ain't nobody got time to just run to the store for special milk. Use anything you have. 2%? Right on. Skim? You bet. Half and Half left over from your morning coffee? Sure thing! The last can of evaporated milk from your Thanksgiving pies? Works great! What do we say about rules in the kitchen? Fuck 'em. The amount of milk is somewhat flexible as well. I made a large casserole dish and the whole pack of pasta, so my sauce took about 3-4 cups of milk. Feel free to adjust your bits and pieces. For the recipe, I mean.
 |
| Nice Tits. |
Our next step is also great life advice: let it simmer, and only stir the pot when you have to. You can thank me later. Use this philosophical opportunity to take a couple tokes.
 |
| Are these captions too long? Is there such a thing as too long? |
When your sauce is as deliciously thick as my thighs(be patient, mine took 26 years to get there), go ahead and add your seasonings and cheese. For me, the more cheese, the better, but feel free to make it healthier and less tasty. I'm sure you're a lot of fun at parties. Taste your creation and adjust your spices to taste.
While your sauce continues to boil and steam like an angsty teenager, set it straight with a wooden spoon. A few swats, er, stirs should do it. Then begin cooking your pasta. Any pasta will do. I used Rotini because they are cute and fun. And perhaps the only thing noodle-like in my pantry. Use the hand you were dealt.
 | ||
| I like it. Gordon Ramsay would probably insult me. |
After you have cooked and drained your pasta according to package directions, return them to the pot and stir your cheesy sauce into the noodles. Pour the mixture into a large casserole dish and spread it to fill the bottom of the dish. To finish off, you will create the crunchy topping. Start by crushing a few handfuls of Ritz Crackers on top of the pasta. It helps to envision the crackers as the souls of our current administration to really get the proper strength behind you. Next, you will bury the
When you've licked the plate clean and a strong case of the munchies has you morphing into a world-class chef, be sure to check back for my next post. Coming up: White chocolate raspberry truffle cookies.
Stay Green XO,
Morgan
Comments
Post a Comment